You may have heard the End of the World is coming in 8 days! You only have 8 days to carouse, have sex with strangers, worship false idols, dance, take drugs, and drink tons of alcohol.

But what are you gonna do when the big day comes. Are you going to sit their blubbering like a pussy, wringing your hands before your angry God who loves you even as He’s preparing to wipe you out like an ant because you didn’t accept Jesus into your life? Are you gonna make a poopoo in your pants as the asteroid hurtles through our stratosphere and crashes into the earth with the force of a zillion megaton nuclear bomb?

Not if you’re smart. If you’re gonna go, might as well head out with a smile on your face, a melody in your head, and a swing in your step. You need to hustle yo’ ass down to the Fire, 3rd and Girard in Philadelphia, where Delco Nightingale and our honky-tonk pal Sean Kershaw, will be swingin’ in the Apocalypse.

And hey, if the world somehow DOESN’T end –and it will: no one could possibly doubt the ravings of religious zealots who don’t seem to notice that the God of the Bible doesn’t seem to know much more than the people IN the bible, or that Moses wrote about his own burial– you can also join us for brunch from 11 AM to 3:00 PM at the M-Room on May 22. That’s if the world doesn’t end. Which it will. Minus the Christians who are going to Heaven.

HOLY FUCK IS THIS PLACE DRY. I’ve had a hangover-style headache for the past three days that is totally unrelated to any drinking I’ve been doing. In fact, the throbbin’ in my noggin has, if anything, forced me to drink less alcohol than I expected to due to the constant dehydration. You can practically feel the water evaporating out of you the minute you drink it: I’ve been drinking nearly a gallon a day just to stave it off. And it’s definitely the dehydration: the water goes in, the headache disappears, only to gradually creep back over the next hour if you don’t keep guzzling H2O.

A MAN CAN ONLY TAKE SO MANY DINGING BELLS AND FLASHING LIGHTS. I’m not much of a gambler, so there’s no real allure to the slot machines or the casino environment. Yet every morning, if I want a cup of coffee that’s better than the standard issue stale packet in the hotel room, I have to brave a cacaphonous maze that I am convinced is going to give me an attack of epilepsy. I’ve started holding my hands over my ears when I walk through the gambling area.

JERRY LEE LEWIS ROCKS. That’s all I have to say about that.

DRASTIC TIME ZONE CHANGES KNOCK YOU FOR A LOOP. I would really like to pull an all-nighter, but I have not been able to do so, not once. Midnight tolls, my body says “dude, it’s 3:00 AM in Philly”, and zonk, I’m in bed asleep. That said, I keep waking up at 4:00 AM Vegas time, which is 7:00 AM Philly time, and thus when I typically get out of bed.

ALL THE WOMEN LOOK AND DRESS LIKE JESSICA RABBIT. It’s truly a titty tease show of epic proportions, buxom tatooed women squeezed into tight-fitting, low-cut dresses with the most incredible, barely-contained racks I have EVER seen. Very excited for the pool party today, as you might imagine. Sorry to sound like a perv, but jeez louise.

Anyway, on that note I am off to brunch with some old friends. After that, I have to check my balance (this place is also expensive), and then start planning for L.A., where we’ll spend the next week. Anyone want to throw us some gigs, please leave a note in comments: we could use a little more income to balance the inevitable “outgo” from traveling.

This will be one of the last Delco Nightingale gigs in Philadelphia before we head west to play Viva Las Vegas XIV and then the Turner Classic Movies Festival (!!) in Hollywood. We’ll probably be busting out a couple of new songs too, and on top of that the Philadelphia Brewing Company’s providing $2.00 Kenzingers on tap. What’s not to like?

Hope to see you there, kids!

Art Kilmer, “Devil’s Twist”

Boliver Shagnasty, “Tappin’ That Thing” (yeah, this one’s pretty filthy: “it’s a little round thing, all covered with fuzz/ best damn stuff that there ever was”)

It’s official: Delco Nightingale is opening for Wanda Jackson on February 22, 2011.

Buy tickets at the link.