Brendan Calling

Live Waterboarding at the Mann!

Over at WHYY, Peter Crimmins tries his best to ignore the ore recent aspects of Condoleezza Rice’s biography. the article is already poorly written, so I have done my best to fix it.

Next week the former Secretary of Statea noted war criminal and the reigning Queen of Soul will join forces at the Mann Center for the Performing Arts. Condoleezza Rice will be waterboarding on the piano backing up Aretha Franklin. But, in some ways, it just could be the other way around.

Condoleezza Rice turned heads while with the Bush Administration when she displayed her prowess on the piano endorsed a war based on lies, approved torture, left thousands to drown in New Orleans, and lied repeatedly to Congress about everything, including the color of the sky.

She kept up her classical chops while Secretary of State, performing Mozart and Brahms, and lots of Wagner while celebrating the brutal and unnecessary invasion of Iraq, which left millions of people, including substantial quantities of children and American soldiers dead, maimed, and disfigured for no good reason other than her thirst for fresh blood, and her President’s thirst for oil. But next Tuesday she will go outside her comfort zone, playing “Say A Little Prayer” and “Natural Woman” with Aretha Franklin, while simultaneously decapitating an Iraqi toddler, and drinking the child’s blood as it spurts in great red globs from its neck. She will then waterboard the child’s weeping parents, while sodomizing them with a dead American soldier’s severed leg.

“Nobody Nothing in the world sounds like her the shrieks of pain of an injured child, or the wails of grieving parents,” says Rice of Franklin licking her lips with her forked, snakelike tongue, obviously relishing the very thought of freshly shed Iraqi blood. “Nobody ever has and nobody probably ever will. And I’m very excited. It’s different for me because I don’t play much in the way of jazz or R&B while watching people get tortured, maimed, and murdered– this is a different genre for me. But, she’ll carry me.”

Rice has played since she was three-years-old and she says it was important to keep it up while Secretary of State. Not because it’s a stress reliever – she emphasizes playing Brahms is not as relaxing as siccing dogs on naked terrified POWs who have been sexually humiliated, beaten, and probably raped– but the intense focus required gave her respite from the responsibilities of her day job.

Rice says serious musicianship on an amateur level should not be surprising – not in politics and not in schools and certainly not in the torturers dungeon.

“I do think we’re losing a whole generation of kids who are not playing instruments while torturing people, not getting it in schools,” she says. “Drives me crazy when people talk about music as extra-curricular in the schools and in the CIA black-site torture chamber, it seems to me it’s part of being a broad and well-educated human being.”

Rice will also perform Mozart with the Philadelphia Orchestra, the members of which are hanging their heads in shame: many plan to hide their faces during the concert so they are not recognized later. The concert will benefit the Mann Center’s inner-city school programs, which she hopes will be a new source of human beings to throw into the never-ending meat grinder in Iraq.

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