Why are you suggesting our betters kill themselves? After all, they’re the important ones and if they don’t get whatever they want, the economic system will collapse. They even tell us this out of the goodness of their own hearts. After all, they don’t want massive salaries and bonuses for their own benefit. If they’re not paid millions of dollars a year, the economy will collapse. You don’t want that, do you?

Maybe we can come up with a matching system. Every executive suffering under a TARP pay-cap can be matched with a Wal-Mart shopping unemployed high school graduate. This ‘match’ person will feel sad for the executive so the exec doesn’t have to.

If the executive is feeling really depressed about their lot in life, they’ll be able to commit suicide by proxy. They’ll dictate a suicide note and shoot their ‘match’ person. If they’re just looking for attention, they can just slit the match’s wrists. They can even attend their own funeral and give an eulogy.

You’re being a big, big meanie when you suggest that these important people should feel bad for what’s happening to them. Maybe you should apologize.