Dear AIG: Don’t Quit! I Have a Better Suggestion!
Via atrios, I learned that the crybabies executives at AIG might quit if they have to take a pay cut:
Five senior executives at American International Group told the bailed-out insurer last week they may quit if their compensation was cut significantly by the U.S. pay czar, the Wall Street Journal reported.
The five senior AIG executives indicated on December 1, in written notices, that they were prepared to leave by year-end, the paper reported, citing unnamed sources. Two of them changed their minds over the weekend, the paper added.
Guys, guys, guys! I realize times are tough, but don’t quit your jobs. I have a much better idea.
This is a Colt .45 semi-automatic pistol:
The Colt M1911 .45 pistol is one of the finest guns ever made. It was designed by John Moses Browning and production started in 1911. The design itself had been worked on since as far back as 1880 and would be improved in the years to come…
It’s the toughest handgun in the word and an absolute workhorse. The .45 ACP is a big bullet and when it hits things they go down. It’s very accurate and loved by every service man or civilian who has shot one.
So instead of quitting your jobs, here’s what I suggest. Go buy a Colt 45 or a similar semi-automatic pistol with large caliber bullets. Put it in your mouth and pull the trigger.
Seriously, this is NOT a joke, AIG executives. You’re always crying and bitching about the pay and stomping your feet trotters and squealing like the pigs you are, when you should literally be giving a grateful rusty trombone to every single taxpayer in the country while muttering “thank you for saving my bacon” between each heaping helping of puckered starfish.
That’s what you SHOULD be doing. but you’re not. So spare me your tears: if you’re that bent outta shape, just kill yourself. Preferably on the TV. Budd Dwyer shows you how (warning, very graphic, not for the kids)!
Seriously: anyone who’s committed the crimes YOU guys have pulled and had even an ounce of shame wouldn’t be putting on this embarrassing display of selfishness. They’d realize what they’d done and deal with it accordingly. Grow some balls, kill yourselves, AIG executives.
December 7th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
We’ll even sing “Hey Man Nice Shot” in your memory:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDiC83Usn2s
December 8th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
kill ‘em all…let god sort ‘em out.
December 9th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Brendan-
Why are you suggesting our betters kill themselves? After all, they’re the important ones and if they don’t get whatever they want, the economic system will collapse. They even tell us this out of the goodness of their own hearts. After all, they don’t want massive salaries and bonuses for their own benefit. If they’re not paid millions of dollars a year, the economy will collapse. You don’t want that, do you?
Maybe we can come up with a matching system. Every executive suffering under a TARP pay-cap can be matched with a Wal-Mart shopping unemployed high school graduate. This ‘match’ person will feel sad for the executive so the exec doesn’t have to.
If the executive is feeling really depressed about their lot in life, they’ll be able to commit suicide by proxy. They’ll dictate a suicide note and shoot their ‘match’ person. If they’re just looking for attention, they can just slit the match’s wrists. They can even attend their own funeral and give an eulogy.
You’re being a big, big meanie when you suggest that these important people should feel bad for what’s happening to them. Maybe you should apologize.