When I Was 14, I Thought I Knew Everything Too. (UPDATED)
UPDATED BELOW
Precocious child, Jonathan Krohn
This weekend, the New York Times decided to subject America to a hideous little beast that has been embraced by, who else, the conservative mouthbreathing clowns who make up the “conservative” wing of the “republican” “party”. if the footage above didn’t make you want to smack this kid and his parents, try unclenching your fist while you read on…
Why just that morning, his mother, Marla Krohn, marveled, a staff member for a potential candidate for Georgia governor asked for a meeting with Jonathan. In her gentle drawl, Mrs. Krohn said cautiously, “I’m not sure I’m a supporter of his.”
“Neither am I,” Jonathan piped in.
“But I’m a voter,” Mrs. Krohn reminded him firmly.
Jonathan retorted, “Now that I’m a political pundit, I have the ability to influence people. I have to think about it!”
But first, his mother reminded him, he had some homework to finish.
He’s an unusual kid with an unusual background. Jonathan’s parents, Doug, a computer systems integrator, and Marla, a sales representative and former actress who teaches drama and speech to middle-school students, have been home-schooling their bright, curious son since the sixth grade. On Fridays, Jonathan joins 10 middle-school students at the Classical School in Woodstock, where classes are taught from a Christian perspective, for five hours of study, including Latin. They have two 10-minute recesses for tag, said Jonathan’s teacher, Stephen P. Gilchrist. Lunch is eaten at their desks while they work.
“Other children his age are not quite sure how to take him,” Mr. Gilchrist said. “Jonathan is so intense, so verbal and a strong personality. But as they get to know him, they respect him for what he is. And he is tons of fun.”
Oh those kids know how to take him alright, and contrary to Gilchrist’s fantasies, I’d be willing to bet Jonathan gets no respect at all: that’s because he’s clearly a self-enchanted, arrogant little know-it-all with a penchant for sucking up to grown-ups. You’ll notice there’s not a single word in there about the little drama-queen’s friends, probably because he doesn’t HAVE any.
And while a lot of little kids are precocious smart-asses, most of them grow out of it quickly. Not our Jonathan though, who’s milking that 15 minute of fame for all it’s worth. Or is he? Why is little Jonathan like this? Because that’s how his parents groomed him:
Jonathan, a slight, home-schooled only child whose teeth are in braces, is so passionate about his beliefs that he spent his summer writing “Define Conservatism,” an 86-page book outlining what he says are its core values. In January, he contacted CPAC organizers, asking to speak there.
With some skepticism, they gave him a spot on a Friday panel of grassroots activists. But Jonathan, an experienced child actor, rocked the house with a three-minute speech…
The family said Jonathan paid to have the book published with his own savings, earned from writing and performing on a syndicated radio Bible show for children.
His father made a spreadsheet of their contacts for publicity, and then Jonathan went to work, glad-handing. He already had developed poise, as he put it, “during the 20 or 30 productions I was in during my acting career” — he’d performed in Christian Youth Theater plays and regional shows.
Frank Zappa had a word for kids like Jonathan. he called them “artifact children”, and he comes down like a ton of bricks on their parents:
I’ve never met anyone who felt that marriage was a “special career”, at which he or she must excel, but, if we are to believe the drivel on CNN, such people do exist somewhere in yuppie-land – white bread mutants who set out to breed that one perfect little child-artifact-piece-of-furniture-combination-snackpack.
This will be a frightening bunch when they grow up – all the worst traits of their accursed parents, combined with the ability to play violin at seven, speak four languages by nine, and graduate law school by eleven…
These are the “Me” Generation assholes who think that their lives are the most important thing going. Once they have reproduced themselves, they adopt the attitude that the replicant crawling around on the floor musn’t be a “burden” to them, taking up too much of their “hard-earned leisure time”…
I am disturbed by the wat people like that treat their children- especially the single-child yuppo-family that uses the child as a status object: “A perfect child? Of course! We have one here- he’s under the coffee table. Ralph, stand up! Play the violin!”
It’s as if they’re saying, “Yeah, just look at him! We fucked! This came out! no he can do so much homework! Yeah, we have a good boy! How about yours? Those people over there- they have an ugly one with a Jughead hat.”
“Oh we got ours a coonskin one- he was so-o-o grateful.”
The more boring the child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents – because they have a tame child-creature in their house.
When I was 14, I was also a precocious little know-it-all smart-ass. But I was also in public school where I learned via John Miller’s gigantic fists that being a precocious little know-it-all smart-ass doesn’t get you too far in life, and that sometimes moderating your precocious little know-it-all smart-assery can be a healthy thing.
Also, I wasn’t using my precocious little know-it-all smart-assery to defend the powers-that-be: you know, the folks who started an unwinnable war in Iraq, who think that evolution isn’t real, who let new orleans drown, and who presided over the worst economic collapse since the Great Depression.
A kid’s teenage years are usually filled with rebellion, which isn’t just obnoxious, it’s absolutely necessary for developing your own personality. In fact, there’s an even more devastating word for children who simply accept their parents values without question: foreclosed.
Honestly, if it wasn’t for the child’s preening and strutting, I would be inclined to feel sorry for him. What kind of parent prevents their child from normal socializing like children get in school? One of the reasons my son plays so well with other kids and the reasons his little friends here in Philly are always asking for him is because he’s so well socialized and he plays well with others.
What kind of parents let their kids run around with rogues like Bill Bennett, gambler and unapologetic racist; Ann “the Eliminator” Coulter; or Rush “Let’s go nail some dominican prostitutes and shovel down the hillbilly heroin” Limbaugh? Mr. and Mrs. Krohn are deliberately associating their kid with some of the morally and intellectually bankrupt people I can think of, and encouraging him to adopt their views as his own. At 14.
That’s a recipe for disaster right there. And i can’t help but get the creeps when i think of bloated Bill Bennet cooing about how Jonathan Krohn is so “special” and how he has “staying power”. just gross…
UPDATE: John McCain’s blogging daughter isn’t impressed either:
[Ann Coulter] was one of the headliners at the recent CPAC conference (but when your competition is a teenager who has a dream about the Republican Party and Stephen Baldwin, it’s not really saying that much).
March 9th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
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March 9th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
[...] unknown posted a noteworthy aricle today onHere’s a small snippetHe already had developed poise, as he put it, “during the 20 or 30 productions I was in during my acting career” — he’d performed in Christian Youth Theater plays and regional shows. Frank Zappa had a word for kids like Jonathan. he … [...]
March 26th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
[...] [...]