Bob “the Boob” Casey’s Staff Must Call Me “Mr. Sunshine” (Among Other Things)
I left the house just before 9:00 AM to begin my hike through the snow and ice to get to work, and boy oh boy was it a mess. Thanks to the City’s budget deficit, the Mayor has cut back on ploughing and snow removal: the corner of 50th and Kingsessing Avenue was a thick sheet of ice, covering most of the street. As I looked south down 50th, all I could see was ice. Same with Kingsessing looking east and west. Same with much of 49th Street. It’s potentially really dangerous: Philadelphians do not handle snowy weather well, and with all the ice and no rock salt or sand, I would bet more than even money that there will be car accidents, many involving pedestrians, all day.
I’m not writing this to find fault with the Mayor: he has to do what he has to do in a time of crisis, brought on largely by the rotten fiscal mismanagement of Goldman Sachs, Lehman Brothers, JP Morgan, AIG, and every other investment bank that was supposed to be responsibly handling the city’s pension fund. However, it was definitely time to remind Bob Casey, again, that he hasn’t done shit for Philadelphia, while handing literally wheelbarrows of money to the very people who caused this mess. Because not-so-bright Bobby decided not to insist on mandates dictating how the money can be spent, these same banks are not lending money to anyone. I wanted to know, “when will Philly get some love?”
So I called his number, 202-224-6324.
“Hello, Bob Casey’s office!”
“Hi, it’s Brendan Skwire. I’m a consituent calling from Philadelphia. How’re your roads in DC this morning? Everything ploughed, safe drive or walk to work?”
“Yeah, we seem to have dug out OK.”
“That’s great. Here in Philadelphia, we’re facing a massive deficit thanks to the crash of our pension funds, which was invested with Goldman Sachs, and the rest of those investment banks. These weren’t supposed to be risky investments, but it looks like the banks lost all our money. And as a result, the Mayor’s had to cut back on ploughing the roads, so literally- whooops, sorry i almost slipped on the ice- literally the whole city is covered in ice and snow. It’s really dangerous out here.”
“Sir, i think budgets for snow removal are either a state or city issue, so–”
“Oh yeah, I know that. I’m not blaming Bob for all the ice. But I AM calling because last week I read all about that wicked cool party Northern Rock threw at my expense. You know, the party with Sheryl Crowe and Chicago? The one Bob Casey helped fund because he didn’t want to tie any strings to bailout funds?”
“Sir–”
“Now I totally understand throwing a party like that. I like Sheryl Crowe too, and what’s that song by Chicago?” I sang a snippet, “I am one man- who will fight- for your honor, I’l lbe the hero…“.
“Sir, I get your point. I’ll pass your mess–”
“Well, I’m not sure. I’m wondering when I’m going to see Bob Casey on my teevee talking about how he’s going to help Philadelphia–”
“Sir–”
“–out of its budget fix. He sure has a lot of love for AIG–”
“Sir, I will pass your message on but I have–”
“–And I’m waiting to see some love for Philly–”
“SIR I WILL PASS YOUR–”
“Because I’d sure hate to think of some elderly person slipping and breaking a bone on all this ice–”
“SIR I WILL PASS YOUR MESSAGE ALONG TO THE SENATOR I HAVE TO GO NOW–”
“Why do you sound so irritated?” I asked. “I’m trying to help my city and my sta–”
“SIR I HAVE TO GO NOW I WILL PASS YOUR MESSAGE ALONG!” CLICK
That’s me, Mr. Sunshine, always bringing happy thoughts, warm feelings, and good vibes into the lives of my elected representatives.
March 3rd, 2009 at 5:04 pm
[...] makes a phone call. [...]