No More Birthdays
The other night Christina and I were discussing Sam’s upcoming Christmas visit, and how after an initial strenuous objection to us having him for New Year’s Eve two years ago, his mom kind of figured out she can work or celebrate NYE when he’s with us. Now, regardless of whether it’s our turn for Christmas or not, his mom offers to send Sam down for New Year’s.
This year, we want to go to Gogol Bordello on New Year’s Eve, so we’re on the lookout for babysitters. Christina joked that next year we may not have Christmas with Sam, but we’ll have his birthday, and his mom will probably try send him down early.
“We don’t have him for his birthday next year,” I reminded her. “He starts school in September 2009. Actually, we’re never going to have him for his birthday ever again.” I’ve had Sam for only one birthday.
There was a prominent silence as she absorbed this.
The fact is that due to his school schedule, the hundreds of miles between us, and the international border, I am probably going to be forced to step out of my son’s life for good within a year.
You can’t maintain a relationship with a young child from the far side of a computer screen, and the disruption of his life is only going to get worse as he gets older and forms more mature friendships with kids his age. I can speak personally to that: my mom is an alcoholic, and during the summer before junior high school, she was out of control and out of commission. My father, the sole breadwinner, could hardly be expected to quit his job at IBM so I became the de facto parent: the impact on my ability to forge relationships with other kids my age was severely impacted. In fifth grade I had lots of friends; by sixth grade, I was behind my friends socially, and never really recovered. I was a geek for years, and was only saved by punk rock and hardcore. I’m don’t want to drag my son away from his natural circle of friends so I can have him for a brief two-month period and those few days he gets off from school around Christmas and Easter.
On the other hand, i could move up to Canada. But my girlfriend won’t find any work up there, and won’t come. She’s already said so. And frankly, I don’t want to move up there either.
I don’t have any good choices.
