Glenn Beck: More Freaky Friday
A few weeks ago, I listened to the moronic Glenn Beck and his right-wing Christianist dingaling buddy Joel Rosenberg go on at length about the upcoming battle between the 12th Imam and Jesus Christ as if they werecharacters in “Ghostbusters”. It was a masterpiece of gibbering insanity.
This morning, Joel made an encore performance, in which he stated (among other things) that Vladimir Putin is the new Czar of Russia and that Libya is an anti-western state.
But the best part was when the two Mensa members began going on about the “end times”.
Glen started it out. “Maybe this puts me in freak world, but I fully… well, I fully expect my children to witness the return of Jesus Christ. I hope that I’m here to see it as well.” Rosenberg agreed, both of them giddy over the return of Christ. But then the conversation veered back to Russia.
“Do you know WHY Ronald Reagan called the Soviet Union the ‘Evil Empire’?” Glenn began. “It’s because he was briefed on this stuff, and he knew, he believed the Prophecy and knew that he had to stop Gog and Magog. Reagan was doing his best to prevent the Biblical Prophecies from befalling us!”
That’s when I started laughing and had to pull over. I’m not sure which was funnier: the notion that Ronald Reagan is more powerful than the All-Powerful, Omniscient, Perfect Creator of the Universe that Beck believes in, defeating God with rhetoric, or the cognitive dissonance that the Return of Christ is a good thing at the same time that Reagan preventing that same Return of Christ through his Mighty Rhetoric is also a good thing.
That’s one of the things I’ve never understood about Christians. On the one hand they claim to have no connection to this world, that they are vessels through who God lives, and that their reward will be in the next life. On the other, they are absolutely terrified of death and will do anything to prevent it from occurring, either to themselves or others.
Newsflash: if you don’t die, you can’t go to heaven.
Newsflash: if God has a plan for everyone and everything, then every abortion is part of God’s plan. if God is as Perfect, Omniscient, and All-Powerful as the Christians say, why are they always trying to foil his plans?
Newsflash: if the Return of Christ is a good thing, as the Christians claim, why are they so dedicated to preventing those very conditions that will bring him back? Beck and Rosenberg this morning were talking about how they started “connecting the dots” after 9/11, and that Putin’s crackdown on religion in Russia is another one of the dots; and then they began ranting about how steps must be taken to stop all of this from happening.
Look, I don’t believe in any of that happy crappy, but for Chrissake, would it kill you to be consistent? Either Jesus’ return is a good thing or it’s not. It can’t be both the Best Thing Evah and simultaneously something to prevent. That makes NO SENSE.
But then again, I’m writing about Glenn Beck, who believes that Ronald Reagan fought God to a stalemate, preventing the end of the world by calling the Soviets “the Evil Empire, and who believes that Jesus and the 12th Imam are going to duke it out, Godzilla-versus-Gidrah style.
These geniuses will be on CNN Headline News Prime at 7:00 PM tonight. It’s enough to make me wish I had cable…
