Blow Me, Ikea.
Last night I dropped upwards of $300 on a new bed for Sam. Two days later, and the thing STILL isn’t done, thanks to Ikea and their genius craftsmanship.
I’m convinced that the people who come up with the designs for the ubiquitous Swedish home interior store are actually tiny gnomes with a grudge against us humans. How else do you explain the tiny pegs, miniscule screws, and teensy-weensy little allen wrenches you need to use to put together their fucking furniture? Normal hands, even those attached to the littlest dwarf or the smallest little person, are too clumsy for these ridiculous “tools”. Ikea tools and building supplies are in the same family as those absurd little jacks that come with cars these days: worthless items.
It shouldn’t take more than two days to build a bed, even a loft bed like the one I bought for Sam. But that’s what happens when Ikea’s pre-drilled holes don’t line up with the screws. Or when the slots are bored to narrowly for the attendant sheets of wood to actually slide through without deconstructing the whole edifice. Or when doing so inadvertently splits a puerile piece of material that is so redundant it shouldn’t even be included.
Somewhere in their little secret world where they like under toadstools, the Ikea gnomes are dancing their little dance knowing they’ve brought frustration and rage to another member of humanity.
March 7th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
It looks like you found a worthy distraction from the boring Presidential race. We put together a metal loft- bed last year for our daughter. It has a desk unit underneath it, for a computer and homework. Pretty dandy piece of furniture, makes the room seem bigger too. It was a real pain in the fucking ass to assemble though!
March 7th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
yeah, you got that right. I got a used version of that same bed you have, but it was too big for sam.
It looks like a MAJOR pain in the ass to build.