FOOB: No Fat Chicks!
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Today’s FOOB is more than a little offensive. This morning’s message from Lynn can only be stated as “No Fat Chicks!”
If it wasn’t made clear enough yesterday that Julia is inferior to Lizzie, with the wonky teeth and the gaping maw, now we see that Julia is also -horror of horrors- FAT!
Worse, she has no chin, and look at how she unfavorable compares to graceful Lizzie. Why… she’s practically a toad!
And as usual, Grathony’s getting the shit end of the stick and regretting it.
We know this because Lizzie with the Golden Vagina is walking away like the girl in a lame-ass country song. With the character named Mason who was blonde two days ago. I especially enjoy the sense of wistfulness implied by the “over-Granthony’s-shoulder” point of view. Poor Granthony: stuck with a fatty fat fat while his dream girl walks away again. I also enjoy the elipses in Mason’s instructions to Liz: the dramatic pause really rubs it in Granthony’s face that Mason’s looking forward to a nice slice of Lizzie’s pie. [Poor Mason: you'll end up on the scrap heap without a drop of Lizzie's vaginal juices on your painfully engorged penis. Just like Paul, Warren, Granthony, and every other sucker that this flighty disingenuous spider lures into her web.]
Now that I’ve laid out this spiteful little episode, I’d like to point out what a totally screwed-up, self-hating message this is to young women everywhere, and to men as well. Apparently, in the world of FOOB, having body proportions that are larger than a willow or a crane (the bird, not the lifting device) are unattractive. Tell that to some one the men I know here in the real world. Hell, try to tell that to me and see how far it gets you.
Speaking personally, I prefer a healthy looking gal to a bag of skin stretched taut over the bones (although I like the skinny gals too). Women are supposed to be heavier and curvier than men. It appears that Lynn Johnston has internalized a lot of messed-up attitudes. On the other hand, that may simply be a related to her nationality. I haven’t seen the majority of the country, but most Canadian women I’ve met in Montreal were skinny as twigs, including my kid’s mom, her mother, and her friends. Melissa, whose skinniness is more a product of being a former professional runner, tells me that the French Quebec girls, who are already so short they look like 14-year-olds, starve themselves until they get married, after which they balloon like that Violet Beauregard in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. There’s definitely a cultural attitude toward weight going on there.
More than that however, there’s a presumption that looking a certain way is more important than the person’s personality. My own experience, which I know others share, is that ordinary, imperfect looking girls are a hell of a lot more fun that super-model types that have never had to depend on anything more than their looks for a date. I have had some of the best sex of my life with girls that didn’t fit the ideal, and some of the worst sex with girls who did. The chicks that fell short of Cindy Crawford were more likely to have a sense of humor laced with sarcasm; they were more likely to have interests outside of their own good looks; and were more likely to get f-r-e-a-k-y in the sack. I know a lot of women who have had the same experience with Roman Gods versus normal men, guys who can’t eat pussy worth a damn because they’ve never had to really work for it.
I can’t speak to the character of Julia, who is only present to remind the reader that Lizzie is pretty (kind of the way Mason is there to provide some dramatic tension: will Granthony finally grow a set of balls and take back the woman he loves). So I don’t know whether Julia is a boor, stupid, unpleasant: all I know is that she’s rotund.
On the other hand, I know plenty about Lizzie: she’s self-absorbed, feckless, passive-aggressive, dishonest, selfish, self-pitying,a clone of her mother, and altogether too worshipful of her Golden Vagina for my taste. The kind of person who either has sex with the lights out, or with so many candles lit up, the house might burn down. The kind of person who thinks oral sex is “icky”.
Give me awkward, chubby Julia any day.
UPDATE: Josh n Julia, sittin’ in a tree…
2 Responses to “FOOB: No Fat Chicks!”
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June 14th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
ok, what gets me about today’s stip is the length of lizzie’s dress and the way she is grabbing her “GV” in panel 3. (BTW, love your name for her private area, just can’t bring myself to type it out.) I get the idea that it is supposed to be long and she is holding it up to keep the hem from being soiled, but what is going on in the last panel then? Is she already disrobing for the new guy in her life? getting ready to show him what he will not ever have?? I mean she’s got that thing hiked up to her knees, in back?
June 14th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
what gets me about today’s stip is the length of lizzie’s dress and the way she is grabbing her “GV†in panel 3
I think she’s checking to make sure her chastity belt’s in place.
Is she already disrobing for the new guy in her life? getting ready to show him what he will not ever have?? I mean she’s got that thing hiked up to her knees, in back?
Maybe they’re trudging through a very deep mud puddle. Or maybe LJ is just a lame artist. Personally, I like the flower on Lizzie chest: it looks like a fist.