FOOB: Old Ladies, Young Girls, Douchebags, and Goblins
It’s been awhile since I checked in with the foobs. Well, that’s actually not true: I read the miserable strip every day, but the death spiral has advanced so far, there’s very little to say. However, some notes on recent developments are still in order.
I’m not going to go through my archives and link to everything, but the story so far is that Liz is going to her friend Shawna-Marie’s wedding and asked Granthony to escort her. She was horrified when he already had another date: alas, she waited too long. A character named “Mason”, who could stand in for the semi-retarded Moose from the “Archie” comics has been introduced as Liz’s last-minute date. Whatever.
The real action is with Granthony, who has finally shaved his vile pornstache, but to disastrous results:
The whole time I was complaining about that noxious flavor saver on his face, I didn’t realize it distracted from the bovine positioning of his eyeballs, and from the fact that his nose seems to have been flattened, smashed into his cheek at a right angle to the rest of his face.
As an aside, Liz’s face in panel four reminds me of the old-lady/young lady optical illusion, which is kind of fitting considering the character is written as an old biddy in a young woman’s body.
In another aside, Liz’s companions in the bridal party look like robots, and the guests in panel two look like extras from the cast of Freaks. Finally, Liz’s thought in the ultimate panel, “weddings are… full of very personal moments” reminds me of the old Massengil commercials, where the gauzily lit Mom and daughter discuss douching while wandering down the beach.
I suppose this is fitting too, since both Liz and Granthony are such douchebags.
Today’s strip is even better, because we get a look at Granthony’s date for the wedding:
I like how LJ indicates the interloper’s lack of class (and inferiority to Mason, who’s drawn to look like a hunk of beefcake) with the wonky nose, the bad teeth, the gaping mouth, and of course, the juvenile use of an’ instead of and. Message: Lizzie is desirable to other men, certainly more desirable than Granthony’s goblin date, and that Granthony would do well to ditch the meatball and get with the White Goose that Always Returns. Which is of course what will happen, probably by Friday or Monday.
