Joe Sweetland Takes a Dive
Joe Sweetland was a punk rocker and former high school wrestling star who lived around the corner from me on Hall Avenue in 1989, the year I had my first apartment, the same year I banged Nicole Grand in a schoolyard, a few days after she gave Candle Randall a blowjob on her sofa while Shawn Kelly was in the toilet. Nicole got around: someone shoulda told her boyfriend, not that he would’ve cared with all the broads he was banging on the side. Nicole and Joe were housemates, but they weren’t screwing: Joe was probably the only person she wasn’t nailing from time to time.
Their apartment was on the fourth floor, the top of a very tall house with a slightly peaked roof that was great for sunbathing during the summer: you could climb out the living room window, catch some rays, and crawl back in through the kitchen. And so it was that after the Buzzcocks show at the Rocket in 1990, Nicole, Joe, and a bunch of others came back to the apartment shitfaced, where they had an after-hours party where they got more shitfaced.
Nobody knows exactly who had the bright idea, but around 3:00 AM, everyone decided to climb out on the roof, crawl acorss the shingles, and swing down into the kitchen. Candle went first, then Craig Ferris, and then Joe.
Except Joe was really drunk and lost his balance, plummeting four stories face first, his arms stretched out in front of him like Superman, to the pavement below.
Everyone ran downstairs, while Nicole called 911, expecting Joe to be dead or unconscious. Instead, he was standing against the fence, babbling semi-coherently, “I’m alright, get me a beer, I’m OK.” Shortly thereafter, the ambulance arrived.
Joe lost all his front teeth; had his broken jaw wired shut; broke both arms, one leg, and his collarbone; and shattered most of the bones in his face. We were drinking beers a week or so later (one of the casts allowed him to feed himself) out at the Cliffs when Joe remarked, “The doctor told me the only reason I’m alive today is because I was drunk. If I’d been even a little sober, I’d be a dead man right now.
“Bottoms up, motherfucker,” he added, as he downed his can of Bud, and reached into the case for another, his eighth. “Bottoms up.”
5 Responses to “Joe Sweetland Takes a Dive”
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January 5th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
yeah, that’s why lots of drunks walk away from their totaled cars too, so i’ve heard.
January 6th, 2007 at 1:48 am
NICE…
gotta forward that one to my bro rich…
January 6th, 2007 at 2:11 am
I had almost forgotten about Joe. File this under: reasons why Tim and Brendan need to start working on those Newport books, stat.
February 14th, 2007 at 4:12 am
Ah yes…I remember this! Wasn’t seam Kelly on the roof too? After that Joes mouth was a little off to the side, had a tad of the down syndrome look. Weeks later about the time the skin on his arm had become one with the protruding steel pins, he was going crazy in the pit at a Bad Brains show at the Living Room. BOOOKKK….BBOOKKK……I have photos…..BOOK… BBOOKKK
February 14th, 2007 at 4:34 am
Ah yes…I remember this! Wasn’t Sean Kelly on the roof too? After that Joes mouth was a little off to the side, had a tad of the down syndrome look. Weeks later about the time the skin on his arm had become one with the protruding steel pins, he was going crazy in the pit at a Bad Brains show at the Living Room. BOOOKKK….BBOOKKK……I have photos…..BOOK… BBOOKKK