Johnny Hart Is Nuts
Below, the final three panels of BC’s Sunday Strip, and the latest example of Johnny Hart’s objectively wrong (and completely insane) belief that there is a war on Christmas and Christians.
I saw this in the Atlantic City Press this morning, accompanied by several strips that mentioned Christmas explicitly.
Sally Forth, for example: second panel.
Mutts, which gets bonus points for using Christmas carol lyrics as the caption.
family Circus, which has been running a Christmas theme for the past month.
I could go on, but unlike Johnny Hart, I’m tired of flogging the same old dead horse over and over again. Like a lot of born-again Christians, Johnny Hart sees himself as some sort of persecuted minority, pretending that Christmas isn’t the biggest shopping season of the whole damn year, that brings in tons of money. For crying out loud, most of my Jewish friends participate in the holiday as well (and in fact, most will tell you that the concept of Hannukah gifts developed because Jewish parents felt bad for their kids, who didn’t get anything like the Methodists and Lutherans and Baptists and Catholics down the block).
These people are ludicrous. Last year they were picketing Wal-mart for not saying “Merry Christmas”, while at the same time bemoaning the fact that the holiday has become commercialized: how fucking stupid can you be? I was flicking channels this evening on ye olde cable box: fully 8 channels were devoted to Christian programming, 0 had any porn (you have to make a special request for that, while it’s assumed that Christian proseletizing is welcome in the average home), and this weekend NEARLY EVERY SINGLE CHANNEL IS SHOWING CHRISTMAS MOVIES OR CHRISTMAS RELATED PROGRAMMING. Many included several explicit refernces to Jesus Christ as well, not just Santy Claus. Heck, even the Family Guy rerun on Comedy Central closed with “Merry Christmas.” No “Happy Holidays” there.
But NO, that’s not enough for Johnny Hart and his ilk. It’s all “Waaah, people don’t kiss my religious ass ENOUGH!” They are like passive aggressive Taliban, and I have no doubt many would approve of Shari’a law if it was THEIR Shari’a. You saw that during the whole “Teri Schiavo” dogshit flinging circus with the speaking-in-tongues crowd jibber-jabbering away like a pile of so many novelty talking teeth, and before you say “Randall Terry and his clowns were sincere, where the fuck were they a week or two later when a baby in texas was removed from life support against its mother wishes, thanks to legislation passed by George “Jesus is My Favorite Philosopher” Bush? Where were you for the baby, guys? Don’t tell me “Terri”, a woman most of you never knew personally was just a political football, I’d be SOOOO disillusioned.
These people have so much influence, it’s ridiculous, whether it’s gag rules on abortion, keeping vaccines for genital warts, which can cause cervical cancer, off the market because of some gooball concern that it will encourage promiscuity, the recently smacked down insistence that the pretend theory of “Intelligent” Design be taught in public schools, or the recently-rejected by the voters attempt to ban abortion, no exceptions, in South Dakota. It’s freakin’ relentless, and hysterical sourpuss boobs like Johnny Hart have the audacity to claim that “the management doesn’t want to offend anyone” by using the word “Christmas”? Dude: step away from the tv, turn off The 700 Club, or Richard Roberts, or Benny Hinn, wherever it is you get your information from and go outside. The sun will do you good.
If you’re going to get offended about something, may I suggest you get offended about the way Christmas has been totally commercialized? Frankly, I think should be treated as an extremely important holy day for Christians, as important as Passover or Yom Kippur for Jews, as Ramadan for Muslims. And as such, it’s offensive to see it commercialized: get it out of the stores, get it out of the mall, don’t go racking up the credit card in a meaningless orgy of gift-giving (as my atheist father likes to say). It is amazing to me how Jesus Christ’s supposed gift of salvation to humanity has been twisted into an occasion to celebrate greed: 90% of the commercials you see around this time of year are about “what I WANT for Christmas”.
Fuck that: if I took Jesus Christ seriously, the last place I’d want to see Christmas is in the Wal-mart, enriching the moneylenders with every Visa purchase. If you’re as devout as Johnny Hart seems to think he is (and the way that guy wears his religion on his sleeve, you gotta figure he’s got the fish on the car, the “Not Perfect, Just Forgiven” sticker on the bumper, and the rest of the accessories), then spend the day in church, and for the love of God stop acting so fucking superior, so persecuted, because you’re not.
If anything, you should be EMBRACING “Happy Holidays” (the proper term, which Hart distorts) because it doesn’t cross the line of whoring baby Jesus in the service of Kmarts bottom line. But for Christ’s sake, stop shoving your religion-based paranoia down my throat when i’m trying to read the funny pages.
Tinsley reminds me more and more of Billy Bob Thronton’s “Bad Santa”.
Update Two: Tinsley actually LOOKS like the love child of Bad Santa and Mallard Fillmore. Arrested TWICE in four months for being shitfaced and behind the wheel? Someone needs to stop taking pot shots at Ted Kennedy…
24 Responses to “Johnny Hart Is Nuts”
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December 25th, 2006 at 8:36 am
Paranoia is the word. They seem to seriously believe that the half-time show at the next Superbowl will be an extravaganza featuring screaming Christians and ravenous lions.
Think it would boost the ratings?
December 26th, 2006 at 2:24 pm
The irony of the Mallard Fillmore is that you can’t scream ‘Merry Christmas’ in any of those places on Christmas Day because they are all closed to celebrate a religious holiday. Hypocritical bastard.
December 26th, 2006 at 8:37 pm
…stop shoving your religion-based paranoia down my throat when i’m trying to read the funny pages.
Isn’t he just publishing his opinions like you do?
December 26th, 2006 at 10:03 pm
Um…How, exactly, are cavemen celebrating Christmas B.C.? Isn’t Hart chipping away at the entire raison d’etre of his strip?
December 26th, 2006 at 10:07 pm
How, exactly, are these cavemen celebrating Christmas B.C., anyway? Isn’t Hart chipping away at his strip’s raison d’etre?
December 26th, 2006 at 10:13 pm
I’m sure Hart and all the other religiously correct crusaders spent their Christmas Day in a soup kitchen ladling out bowlsful to homeless guys, right? Maybe volunteering at an animal shelter? Okay, how about donating to a food bank? Oh, trading cheap pieces of plastic crap with relatives and preening in front of the other churchgoers? That was my next guess.
Seriously, given what fucking assholes these idiots are, they should be glad anyone talks to them at all. I guess pretending to be nailed to a cross of their own making beats reflecting on what a ludicrous pile of superstitious gibberish they’ve based their lives on.
December 26th, 2006 at 10:16 pm
If you can’t get enough Christmas in the marketplace, then go to church! There’s plenty of Christmas there, and no “war on Christmas.” I’d bet O’Reilly and his ilk never set foot in church on this holiday. What a joke. Why should we be offended by “Happy Holidays” when in fact it’s a sign of respect to all religions?
December 26th, 2006 at 10:41 pm
Might be interested in my brother’s comments.
It never ceases to amaze me how little wingnuts understand the real issues. It’s almost as if they’re deliberately avoiding them, since such exposure would reveal their political maneuvering for what it is: A bigoted attempt to get preferential treatment while vilifying those of us who simply wish to enjoy a celebration of generosity and togetherness.
December 26th, 2006 at 11:29 pm
Why, I’m… shocked, SHOCKED, I tells ya. If you can’t depend on a Republican to not be hypocritical, well, then… I’d have to kill myself, that’s all. What of my belief system?
December 27th, 2006 at 1:49 am
I recently received a chain email from a sortof friend that was a neo-con hack version of the Christmas poem ‘The Night Before Christmas.’ It was so lame and had the obligatory Clinton reference and all, so I looked on the Internets to find one I could quickly send back but I couldn’t locate a liberal version on The Google.
So I wrote one.
Like to hear it? Here it goes:
December 27th, 2006 at 4:04 am
So god sat around for all eternity twiddling his thumbs in the dark. Then 6000 years ago, he made the earth so he could watch countless millions of people suffer. Then he sends his kid down here to be abused and killed. He don’t sound very nice.
December 27th, 2006 at 4:15 pm
nitpicker, I noticed that in Hagar the Horrible, too. Their Christmas message actually said “Season’s Greetings”, but what season are these pagans celbrating, exactly?
December 27th, 2006 at 4:29 pm
Love the Night Before Xmas redo!
December 27th, 2006 at 5:27 pm
[...] Gerald Ford Cashed Out — Former President Gerald R. Ford, the nation’s only unelected commander in chief, died Tuesday night. His office did not release a cause of death. He was 93. Troop “Surge”: This Plan Brought To You By The Good People At BadIdea.com — In an effort to sway President Bush’s soon-to-be-announced policy decisions on Iraq, Sen. Joe Biden (D-Del.) said Tuesday he hoped the president would listen to “informed opinion” and plan a withdrawal of U.S. forces. Okay, let’s see, everyone on the planet with two working brain cells to rub together thinks that, whatever else Dubya does, sending more troops to Iraq is just not going to do the trick. So what does Dubya want to do? Well, send in more damn troops, of course. Look, guys, we lost all right? We totally blew it in Iraq, screwed it up from the word ‘go’. The army can’t solve this problem. It’s time to bring them home, and maybe try some other option. Of course, there’s always the point that as long as we’re stuck in the quagmire in Iraq, we really can’t stir up much trouble with anyone else. And Just To Underscore The Point: A Christmas day explosion pushed the number of American troops killed in Iraq above the Sept. 11, 2001, death toll, prompting one father of a slain soldier to call for an end to the war. Dubya’s “War on Terror” has cost us more US lives than 9/11 did (vs. a country that didn’t have anything to do with 9/11). It’s made us less safe and turned a formerly stringently secular Middle Eastern country, hailed for their women’s rights and other secular rights, into a breeding ground for terrorist religious fanatics. It’s driven us into debt, flushed our economy down the crapper, stripped away our rights and freedoms, and generally has all around been a complete balls-up. Hey, good job, Mr. President! Brendan Gets His Christmas Rant On. (Found via Pharyngula.) I could go on, but unlike Johnny Hart, I’m tired of flogging the same old dead horse over and over again. Like a lot of born-again Christians, Johnny Hart sees himself as some sort of persecuted minority, pretending that Christmas isn’t the biggest shopping season of the whole damn year, that brings in tons of money. And now, about the family Christmas: We had a pretty good Christmas this year. Dinner was delicious, Annie Grace was adorable, and chatting with the family was fun. We got some good loot, including a framed picture of my Grandpa and me, from my Grandma. I was pretty young in the picture — three or four, maybe? My Grandpa passed away several years ago, and I don’t have any pictures of him, so it was really nice to get that one. I also got the new bedding that I wanted — a couple of sheet sets and a new comforter. I put those on the bed last night, and they were really nice. Art got a “super suit” — Superman pajamas — from my Dad. Y’know. So that when the jammies are in the wash, Art can yell, “Woman! Where is my super suit?!” Art got me a remote car starter, which I am extremely happy to have. The JellyBean was a stick-shift, so I could never have one before. A big present from StickDude arrived this morning — three huge duffel bags, one for each of us, with his Stickzilla (a Godzilla stick figure) logo on them, each with a fleece blanket with his Stickzilla guy on them — extremely awesome. I’m all wrapped up in the blanket right now as a matter of fact, because holy crap, it’s cold out. He also sent us his Starwars gaming books, the d20 version, which I’m looking forward to reading. The guys have all played Starwars, but I never have. All in all, it was a very good Christmas. Today, I managed to get a bit of straightening up done, and some stuff put away. Pretty soon, I have to get ready to take Jazz in to the vet to get checked out for the asthma attack thing, and this weekend, Grim goes in to see what’s up with all the itchy skin and crabbiness, and also a possible ear infection/allergic reaction. / Permalink) [...]
December 27th, 2006 at 5:31 pm
“They are like passive aggressive Taliban”
This summarizes the problem quite nicely. If they actually came out and said, “I believe this and if you don’t, you’re wrong,” I could respect that. But instead they go to great lengths to show how inexplicably persecuted they are for some beliefs that, to an outside observer, are pretty poorly defined and delineated.
December 27th, 2006 at 5:43 pm
The thing is, Curtis Interruptis and elf, it doesn’t matter if those guys do spend their time volunteering in soup kitchens and praying at midnight mass instead of buying presents. That still wouldn’t make their holier-than-thou attitude palatable.
The real annoyance is that these guys cling to the victim role, thinking they’re a persecuted minority, rather than adherents to a majority religion that stopped being persecuted (in the Western world) and started doing the persecuting 1700 years ago.
And of course, they’re entitled to feel that way, but I wish they wouldn’t try to convince the rest of us that tolerance is a form of persecution.
December 27th, 2006 at 6:10 pm
i liked “pickles”
December 27th, 2006 at 7:26 pm
King Folderol! A pleasure to have you here: I’ve enjoyed your comments at comics curmudgeon. also, I believe you know my friend mike from Philadelphia Drinking Liberally (i think that’s his name).
Anyway, you ask “what season are these pagans celbrating, exactly?”
I would guess Yule or the Solstice?
December 27th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
Johnny Hart is nuts, and has been for ages. Mallard Fillmore really takes the sanctimony cake, which is really saying something since he probably will be drawing from inside a drunk tank after his next inevitable drunken brush with the law.
Fillmore is the reason I started doing my own comic. Taking Stock
Enjoy, and hopefully it helps deal with having to read BC (Beyond Christian?) and MF (Wow, Mallard Fillmore has the same acronym as MotherF*cker!)
December 28th, 2006 at 3:13 am
It is not the pagan capitalists that have usurped Christmas, but the Christians that have usurped the pagan festivals of Yule and Mithras. The birth of Jesus was originally an insignificant event to the Christians. The resurrection is the defining event of Christianity, not His birth. I think the christians should just give Dec 25th back to the people as a purely secular celebration and go back to concentrating on Easter as the central holiday of their faith.
December 28th, 2006 at 5:00 pm
no kidding steve. Not only that, but the christians moved the time of his birth to be closer to other pagan celebrations so that they could usurp them. If you read the description of his birth closely he wasn’t even born in December!
Don’t get all uppity with me telling me that I stole YOUR holiday!
December 28th, 2006 at 7:15 pm
Actually, easter may also have been adapted from a Pagan holiday as well.
I remember having to take religion classes when I was in private school, and that’s what the priest claimed as well.
Christians: is there anything they WON’T steal?
December 29th, 2006 at 1:31 am
since we are on the subject…I spent an hour in a god forsaken church for my mother’s benefit this holiday season. Bored out of my mind, I found myself meditating on the crucifix for most of the time. It was so upsetting! They even stole his race! Jesus was a Semitic man from the Middle East! Not a White guy! He most likely looked more like one of the men that are racially profiled as terrorists, not the white man they have on the cross in their church!
January 2nd, 2007 at 6:07 am
4: Um…How, exactly, are cavemen celebrating Christmas B.C.?
It has been decided by the Comics Curmudgeon crowd that B.C. takes place in a post-civilized wasteland. All of the anachronisms make sense. The jokes make no sense, and likewise the lack of intoxicating chemicals.
10: That’s reality-based, not “liberal”.