Abortion
This is a fantastic and incredibly candid post from my good friend Somegirl guest posting at Blondesense. I encourage all of you to read it. And also, make a point of reading this related post, also by Somegirl, at the All Spin Zone. And make sure you sign the petition at Ms. Magazine linked therein.
I too am disgusted by religious zealots laying sole claim to “values”, as if their values are the only ones that matter. You can see this kind of zealotry in an earlier post this week, Whi I Unsubscribed From Bluegrass-L: it’s the type of high-handed, “I know better than you what’s best for you” that right wingers always pretend is a characteristic of liberals. Sorry guys, it’s not we that have the authoritarian tendencies.
A friend of mine (I think) tore me a new rectum when I told him that I wanted my son’s mom to have an abortion instead of having the kid. He told me I was being selfish, and a coward, and that I should stand up and be a father to my son. I knew then, and I know now, that having that child was a selfish and irresponsible act on his mother’s part that both of us are paying for for the rest of our lives. Even his mom acknowledges now that if she had to do it all over again, she wouldn’t have kept the baby either.
Sometimes the decision to have a child is far more destructive than the decision to NOT have a child. When I consider that my son doesn’t have a full-time father, it breaks my heart: not for me, but for him. [Last night at the bar, a guy told me that having a father around doesn't matter. "Look at me," he said. "My dad skipped out, and I turned out OK." Except you're fifty, and sitting in this bar every night until 2:00 AM, when you stagger home drunk. So maybe not so much?]
When I look at my brother’s experience with his first-born, I shudder. My older nephew’s mom was not prepared for parenthood at all, and by all accounts, including the boy’s, she’s neglectful and uninvolved in his life. Among other things, he has an eating disorder which is directly correlated with the lack of control he has over his own life.
When I look at the streets of Philadelphia, filled with single teenaged mothers, kids pushing kids around in strollers, physically abusive parents who see their children as a burden, I wonder what kind of future these babies and their parents have, if any? Fifty percent of black male teenagers end up incarcerated: this is simply unacceptable.
The right-wing zealots that would deny abortion simply do not see that an unwanted child is at higher risk for poor outcomes on all levels: I just wrote a grant based on this fact earlier this week. And of course, my religious “friend” has no adopted children, even though the orphanges are filled to overflowing with 5 years old, ten years olds, and other older, non-white children that nobody seems to want.
These are not easy things to talk about, and these are not easy topics to address. But by relentlessly trying to deny women the right to control their own bodies and destinies, the right wing zealots are doing more damage to families, society, and yes children than a million abortions could ever do.
There is no shame in having an abortion, and an unwanted pregancy is not a crime. I am proud of this unselfish decision I made in my life.
So am I Somegirl. You made the admirable, and responsible, choice. It’s a pity that so many are willfully blinded by fear and religious zealotry to understand this.
21 Responses to “Abortion”
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October 7th, 2006 at 6:32 am
World estimations of the number of terminations carried out each year is somewhere between 20 and 88 million.
3,500 per day / 1.3 million per year in America alone.
50% of that 1.3 million claimed failed birth control was to blame.
A further 48% had failed to use any birth control at all.
And 2% had medical reasons.
That means a stagering 98% may have been avoided had an effective birth control been used.
Something for Pro-choicers to concider…
I am a pro-lifer who has no religious convictions at all . I didn’t need the fear of god or anything else to come to my decision, just a good sense of what is right and wrong.
You see we were all once a fetus. Is it beyond the realm of possibilities that when your mother first learned she was carrying you, she may have considered her options? What if she had decided to terminate? Would that have been OK?
You would not exist, if you have children they would not exist, and your (husband or wife) would be married to someone else. You would have been deprived of all your experiences and memories. In this day and age with terminations being so readily available and so many being carried out, if you make it to full term
you can consider yourself lucky. Lucky you had a mother that made the choice of life for you. Don’t you think they all deserve the same basic human right, LIFE?
I’m all for contraception, prevention is certainly better than termination.
Did you know you can get an implant that is safe, 99.9% effective, and lasts for three years? Just think girls not even a show for three years, wouldn’t that be great? I think too many people rely too heavily on the last option (abortion), I think if abortions weren’t so readily available people would manage their reproductive system far better resulting in a fraction of the number of unwanted pregnancies.
World wide there are over 50 MILLION aborted pregnancies each year. In America 3,500 terminations carried out every day, that’s over 1.3 million every year, 50% of all cases claimed that birth control had been used, 48% admitted they took no precaution, and 2% had a medical reason. That’s a staggering 98% that may have been prevented had an effective birth control been used. Don’t get me wrong, I suspect the percentages in Australia would be much the same.
Just a lot of unnecessary killing.
At the point of conception is when life began for you. This was the start of your existence. Your own personal big bang. Three weeks after conception heart started to beat. First brain waves recorded at six weeks after conception. Seen sucking thumb at seven weeks after conception.
I am convinced that in the not too distant future, people will look back at many of the practices of today with disbelief and horror.
Want to know how to find humanity-?
True humanity can only be achieved, by concidering others/ caring about others, as much as, if not more than yourself.
Until we do we are no more than an uncivilisation, with all the uncivilised things that we do…
ausblog
October 7th, 2006 at 4:07 pm
ausblog you forget that even when used appropriately the best birth control is only 99% effective ( and the hormonal problems inherent in some of those particular methods are enough to drive some women to insanity - but that is neither here nor there for this post, just a note.)
When using the birth control pill if you have a particularly bad case of diarrhea or vomiting it will make the pill less effective. There are drug interactions that will knock the pill on its ass. I have a friend whose doctor prescribed a migraine medicine that interfered with the birth control pill that he himself prescribed to her. She now has an 11month old baby that she was not planning on.
You can watch your doctor like a hawk and they still will miss it. This past summer I had a drug prescribed by my doctor. I asked her two or three times, ” You are sure this will not interfere with ortho-tricyclene?” She said no every time. After I left her office I went home and checked the companies website. In the fine print that I spent close to an hour looking for it said that the pill that had just been prescribed to me DID reduce the effectiveness of oral contraceptives.
Condoms break and IUDs are a bad idea. Some people are allergic to spermacide and cannot use a diaphragm.
The point is every human body is different. Every woman is different. Every pregnancy is different, and to assume that you know what is best in every or even almost every case shows a blatant disregard for humanity and human rights. It shows a childlike narrow mindedness.
ausblog, you say humanity is achieved by caring. Where is your caring for the half of humanity that is on constant guard against pregnancy. The women who take the pill religiously and still, ride the hormonal waves involved, deal with the health risks, and still end up with an unwanted pregnancy. The women who were caught unawares and raped. Is it just their cross to bare? That shows a serious lack of caring and humanity. It also makes me wonder how many diapers you have changed while you have tried to protect yourself and your child from your abusive spouse, finish your college degree, or deal with a serious illness. It shows a narrow-mindedness, and a view of the world that is good/evil, black/white, good/bad, and I am sorry sweetheart but that is not how the world works.
If you apply a law that goes against that of the general ways of the world it will fail.
If you deny women control over their bodies they will find a way. If you need a case study take a look at El Salvador and the way its abortion ban has been dealt with by the women in need there.
Coat hangers and caustic chemicals are more disturbing than any thing you have mentioned above. If you need a case study take a look at El Salvador and the way its abortion ban has been dealt with by the women in need there.
October 8th, 2006 at 12:52 am
Christina,
excuses, excuses, talk to your doctor,there will be one made just for you, and you, and you, and you………….
October 8th, 2006 at 1:21 am
Hi ausblog,
welcome to another episode of “simple answers to simple questions.”
But first, “You see we were all once a fetus” is less a question, than stating the obvious.
Your questions:
“Is it beyond the realm of possibilities that when your mother first learned she was carrying you, she may have considered her options?”
Yes.
“What if she had decided to terminate? Would that have been OK?”
Yes.
“Want to know how to find humanity-?
True humanity can only be achieved, by concidering others/ caring about others, as much as, if not more than yourself.”
Which is why abortion is often the only humane and responsible choice.
Thanks for playing in this week’s episode of “Simple Answers to Simple Questions.” See you next time!
October 8th, 2006 at 1:44 am
ausblog,
If you had read the post in full you would have realized that problems with the birth control pill were not the only problem, but since that is what you choose to attack i’ll start there.
Doctors are part of the problem. If you were a female that had tried this means of control you would realize that. They act more like sales people these days and do not acknowledge issues when women do not react as expected to the medication they (and the drug companies) prescribe. There are entire message boards to this effect, and those are only the women who post about it. I have yet to meet a woman who had an easy or sublime experience. birth control can be quite debilitating. I would never advocate not using it, but your suggestion that there is something that works for everyone is simplistic. That is false.
Secondly, I believe you missed my point. That may be my fault. I do tend to get angry when people assume that if a woman gets knocked up she must be lazy and bad and didn’t read the directions properly. My point was that it is not always within someones control. Despite a couple’s or a woman’s best effort sometimes that magic little sperm gets through and creates a baby/fetus. Yes, I am fully aware that I once was one, and one day I would like to be lucky enough to create my own, but it is very simplistic and irrisponsible of you to assume that the proper thing to do is always to bring that person into the world. Every woman finds herself in a different situation. Sometimes she can make it work and sometimes she can’t. the point is she is the only one that can make that decission because she is the only one that can see most of the reprecussions for herself and her child, and before you mention adoption I would like to know how many children you have adopted. This world is full of crack babies, mentaly and physically handicapped children, children that are older, or of another race than yourself. I would like to know since you don’t seem to think those mother’s should make the decission for themselves. Since you are morally superior, and much smarter, and more humane, how many of those children would you like to take personal and financil responsibility for?
I also believe that you might have missed this part of my previous post since you declined from commenting about it “ausblog, you say humanity is achieved by caring. Where is your caring for the half of humanity that is on constant guard against pregnancy. The women who take the pill religiously and still, ride the hormonal waves involved, deal with the health risks, and still end up with an unwanted pregnancy. The women who were caught unawares and raped. Is it just their cross to bare? That shows a serious lack of caring and humanity. It also makes me wonder how many diapers you have changed while you have tried to protect yourself and your child from your abusive spouse, finish your college degree, or deal with a serious illness. It shows a narrow-mindedness, and a view of the world that is good/evil, black/white, good/bad, and I am sorry sweetheart but that is not how the world works.
If you apply a law that goes against that of the general ways of the world it will fail.
If you deny women control over their bodies they will find a way. If you need a case study take a look at El Salvador and the way its abortion ban has been dealt with by the women in need there.
Coat hangers and caustic chemicals are more disturbing than any thing you have mentioned above. If you need a case study take a look at El Salvador and the way its abortion ban has been dealt with by the women in need there.”
October 8th, 2006 at 5:35 pm
PS: in case no one knows, the lovely Christina is my girlfriend, and the post above (the one with the bold faced text) should be credited to her.
October 8th, 2006 at 6:53 pm
I wish somegirl could have contributed to the mix last week at DL when some males were lecturing LV and I about how Bob Casey’s stand on abortion was not that big a deal…
I also wish the resident pro-life troll could have accompanied my girlfriend and I on our fun quest for a Plan B prescription last year when a condom broke on a Sunday morning.
October 9th, 2006 at 1:13 am
I wish ausblog could have gone on that trip with you too steveeboy. For that matter I wish he could give the three year implant a try for himself, and find out the implications of such a hormonal treatment, and the terror involved when you realize the pain and trauma it is causing your body and the length of time it takes to remove the little pharmacutical wonder and get your head back on straight.
October 9th, 2006 at 5:06 am
I believe, from previous comments at another post, the title of which I can’t recall, that aublog is a pro-life woman from canada.
No not my ex.
I’ll go sifting through previous posts.
October 9th, 2006 at 2:00 pm
No need. I don’t really care what was said in the past. I care what she said here.
October 9th, 2006 at 2:43 pm
for the record here ausblog - my mother had 2 illegal abortions in the late 1940s. and i am glad she did. and uh, bc wasn’t available back then except condoms and y’know it’s STILL hard to get men to use them, even at the risk of disease.
so here is a case that if my mother had not had these abortions i and my sister would not exist, because she never would have met my father, who substantially elevated her financial and social status, which made her life worth living. my mother would have had a life much like her mother’s - struggling to support her kids with an violent alcoholic who couldn’t hold down a job for more than a month or two at a time. y’know, in between beatings and benders.
and interestingly enough in these times, my mother was a strikingly beautiful and very poor girl who was taken advantage of as a teenager by much older men - including a sexual liason with a priest. but i guess she should have taken it as her lot and pumped out those babies at 16 instead of finishing hs, going to work, making something of her life, and meeting a man she truly loved and wanted to have children with.
and just as an aside, what do you think this world would look like with 50 million more bodies on it this year alone? it would spell ABSOLUTE DISASTER! we would have started having resource wars long ago. in fact, war would likely be the the only way to control the population growth at all. this world does have some self regulating mechanisms. maybe mother earth would send us more tsunamis and major earthquakes.
oh and have you ever thought of how many women there are worldwide who can’t afford bc? bc pills in the states are what $45 a month? plus a couple doctors visits thrown in…forget about if for millions, yes millions of women who can’t afford it. and don’t suggest clinics - there are many states where they are nonexistent or few and far between and they are so overloaded it can take months to get an appointment, and if they don’t have a private benefactor funding low or no cost bc, it’s full price anyway.
you think you have such a good sense of what’s right and wrong? well reconsider, because on this topic you are dead wrong.
somegirl
PRO CONTRACEPTION
PRO ABORTION
PRO EUTHANASIA
= PRO LIFE/CHOICE
October 9th, 2006 at 2:53 pm
oh steveeboy i wish i was there too! where was i? gimme their names and i’ll beat ‘em up tomorrow, heh.
i already gave LV the lecture i give to everyone - HAVE PLAN B IN YOUR MEDICINE CABINET. DON’T WAIT TILL YOU NEED IT TO OBTAIN IT. HAVE IT ON HAND IN CASE YOU DO.
i never even considered that until my gyn told me that during a routine checkup. the last thing you need to be doing if your condom breaks or gawd forbid you are raped is scurrying around, possibly even arguing with medical personnel, looking for EC.
October 11th, 2006 at 4:27 pm
Somegirl,
Just curious, do you or have you ever felt anny sadness or compassion for your could have been siblings ?
October 12th, 2006 at 3:24 pm
“Just curious, do you or have you ever felt anny sadness or compassion for your could have been siblings?”
Bruce, this is the most retarded thing I have ever read.
“compassion for could-have-been siblings”? WTF does THAT mean? By that logic, I should feel sadness because I never became an astronaut. How great that would have been to orbit the earth and walk at the moon, but because my high school teachers gave me bad grades in math and science, they cut my dream short. DAMN THEM! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!
Also I am terribly angry that I was circumsized, and I’ve heard that my uncut brothers have greater sexual sensation than those of us who were given the snip. DAMNIT MOMMY WHY DID YOU ROB ME??
Seriously, this is an inane argument you’re making. You can’t mourn what never was.
You’re not going to change any minds with that kind of circular logic.
Oh all those things that could have been.
October 12th, 2006 at 3:48 pm
ausblog -
the thought never crossed my mind. nothing needs compassion less than an aborted fetus. i do have an awful lot of compassion for my mother and the trials she’s had in her life. and for the millions of unwanted children who are forced to suffer through their lives with inadequate love and resources for a good life. and for the millions of men and women who are forced to have children they are not prepared for.
i also have a modicum of compassion for you, living with such limited emotional intelligence and concomitant ability to grasp true suffering, and also your utter lack of writing skills and atrocious spelling.
October 13th, 2006 at 1:51 am
I agree with somegirl 100%. I couldn’t answer any better.
It is a very manipulative and silly question, but since you ask inane questions looking for a dark, soul searched, and gut wrenched response here is the best I can do for you on this topic.
I do not miss any aborted siblings. My mother would not exist as she does today had there not been an abortion. I would not exist as I do today. The people I feel sorry for are the ones that have to undergo the procedure, the people who have to deal with the emotional, hormonal, and financial problems that are intertwined with it. The state makes an already difficult decision much harder.
October 17th, 2006 at 5:23 am
Bill Clinton once said that abortions should be available , safe and RARE. He is a very wise man.
I’d like to see an ultrasound in every clinnic to provide a more informed choice,
before going through with something they may regret.
I’d also like to see effective birth control made available to all who can’t afford it.
October 17th, 2006 at 7:43 pm
I agree with you on the birth control, but there are already plenty of chances for women to learn about fetal development and other options if they want know more.
Once you reach the clinic you have made a decision. You don’t want more people forcing more “information” down your throat. It is difficult enough. You just want to get it over with. You do not need to waste the time and money on an ultrasound to view the fetus. If you want to know about the development you can open any medical text book or go to your regular doctor, gynecologist, or local free clinic. For that matter you could google the subject.
The only reason to force ultrasounds on women in an abortion clinic is an emotional one. It is the same ploy as forcing counseling and the watching of videos.
October 19th, 2006 at 7:05 pm
Hello everyone! To continue putting the conversation on a woman’s right to choose into effect and support women’s reproductive rights, check out this really awsome site I found to learn more!! Keep the freedom going! http://www.voice4choice.org
November 24th, 2006 at 2:29 am
If you think the point of conception is NOT when life begins, and all you have is a clump of cells and not a living human being.
Then at least concider this -
Soon after you were conceived you were no more than a clump of cells.
This clump of cells was you at your earliest stage, you had plenty of growing to do but this clump of cells was you none the less. Think about it.
Aren’t you glad you were left unhindered to develope further.
Safe inside your mother’s womb until you were born.
December 17th, 2006 at 10:07 pm
Ausblog, that was our point…or at least it was at some point when we were arguing this. We wouldn’t care if our mothers aborted us because we would never have known the difference. I love my life, but if it never existed, then it never existed. I would never know. If my mother needed to abort me for some reason then she would have done it and so be it. What is more heinous is destroying a life that already exists either through violence and force, or by forcing your beliefs on a woman who does not share them, and can not afford a child in their life for what ever reason. That is not your choice to make it is the mother’s. Only she is in the position to see the full repercussion to her life, her children’s lives, and those around her.
This is the difference between the pro-life and the pro-choice argument. You see life as beginning at conception, innocent, and pure, in need of defense from those who come before it. We don’t see it as such a black and white issue. The pregnancy and subsequent birth may cause the mother harm, she may be in a situation where she cannot protect the child or herself, she may know she can not give that child a chance. You can argue for adoption or anything else you want, but only the mother can see those options and judge what is really viable in her life, her situation, for herself, and the possible child. Not you, even if you know her personally you may not be able to see all that applies, and a blanket law set down from up high on capital hill will not be able to make that decision for her either.
This is why pro-choicers and pro-lifers never see eye to eye. We come at the same problem from different angles and both see the other side as doing something incredibly heinous to another living being. No matter how many pictures of bloody fetuses and descriptions of skull puncturing and vacuuming you decide to show and tell, or how many arguments you make about when life begins and how precious it is, it will not phase me. I still see you, the pro-lifer as the one causing harm to a life.