Seething. Simmering. Coming to a Full Boil
One of my greatest worries when I found out I was going to be a father, and one of the most difficult to accept, has been the restriction of my career as a musician. I knew, especially after Melissa chose to stay in Canada, that touring would be difficult. With child support payments pushing $450 a month, it’s probably closer to impossible.
So when I received an email from a local band that is ready to get on a label, start hitting conferences and festivals, I knew I shouldn’t open it.
we’re signed to mad dragon records in philly (a 1+1 deal, however they’re not opposed to co-releasing with a bigger label…bloodshot has been mentioned more than once). they’ve been amazing so far…fairly deep pockets and tons of connections all throughout the music world. we started recording in their studio last month…3 weeks of 8 hour/day sessions…
[snip]
right now most of our shows are in the region (and we got lots of ‘em), but touring is the goal. currently i’m nailing down the last bits of a 9 day tour out to nashville and back sept 15-24 (we’re playing at the americana music conference down there). once the record is done, we aim to be on the road a bit more often (at that point our label will start shopping booking agents). i’m sure there will be a ramping up of some sort…start out going out for a week or two every few weeks…then expand to 5-6 weeks at a time…eventually leading up to bigger chunks, opening bigger tours, etc….
money right now is…not bad, but not abundant. we’re basically covering all band expenses (gas for the van, merch, strings, some instrument repair, etc.) and personal expenses related to band endeavours (gas, tolls, meals, lodging, etc.)…and we have a nice little savings bundle on top of that. however, we are not at a point where we’re paying individual members. we’re certainly working towards that, and in the last couple months we’ve noticed an increase in income, so hopefully it won’t be too long till we’re able to shell out a bit here and there.
all of us still have some sort of outside job at the moment with which we pay our bills and such. i’m a webmaster for a little radio consultant company, rob does freelance web stuff as well, andrew paints and does some construction, krista is a cello teacher…so, none of us are living off the band yet, but that is the goal.
just for the record, how much is your child support?
I want to cry right now. I just want to go cry, and then smash or sell all of my equipment. I can’t go on this. I have a child, that I never see, that I have to pay for.
This is EXACTLY what I said would happen. Interestingly, Melissa may well be dropping out of coaching and school entirely to work full-time, because it’s too hard to carry the whole burden, which is ALSO exactly what I said would happen. And when I predicted all this, everyone said “Oh no, Brendan, you’re being negative and a pessimist and just plain mean. Everything will work out in the end. You’ll see. Everything will work out.”
My career as a musician has been severely, if not mortally, damaged by her decision. You probably have no idea how bored I am of playing in the same places in Philly over and over and over again, places that are rarely even B-list venues. It makes me want to not play music at all anymore: that’s how depressing the
idea of another Fergie’s or TriTone gig is to me.
But because of the Montreal Mensa Member, I need to make at least $450 a month, so i can pay child support. You can see how this has completely fucked everything up for me. EVERYTHING.
As I wrote to my girlfriend this morning, “Imagine not being able to use any of the skills you’re learning at Penn Design in any way that brings you broader recognition or income outside of the neighbor saying “Oh Christy, we got this GREAT piece of work at the antiques store. Could you fix it for us?”
That is what my musical career has turned into: that guy who plays guitar and sings but never went anywhere with it. I’m Clayton fucking Delaney now.
I often wondered why Clayton, who seemed so good to me
Never took his guitar and made it down in Tenn-o-see
Well, Daddy said he drank a lot, but I could never understand
I knew he used to pick up in Ohio with a five-piece band
Clayton used to tell me, “Son you better put that old guitar away,
There ain’t no money in it, it’ll lead you to an early grave.”
And if you say “at least you have Sam”, well A) I didn’t want to be a father to begin with, and B) I don’t really have Sam at all, just every other month (it IS possible to love your children even though you never wanted any).
Note to everyone: I was right. You were all wrong.
Congratulations, Melissa: you have successfully ruined two people’s lives. Thanks SO. FUCKING. MUCH. I’ll add this to the [long and growing] list of things I hold against you. That whole “forgive and forget” baloney? You can forget about that.
One Response to “Seething. Simmering. Coming to a Full Boil”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
April 13th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
[...] Meet Wound By Brendan I wrote a post entitled Seething. Simmering. Coming to a Full Boil. in August 2006, detailing how my ex’s decision to keep the baby and then run away to Canada [...]