new baby
My friend Fred and his wife Allison just had their son Emmet. He looks great!
I always get jealous of my friends when they have kids, especially those who are married. Sam is visiting this week, and then I see him again at the end of August. He’s talking so much more, and so much more coherently. I miss him every day, and I miss all the changes he’s going through. Each visit is a new Sam. It’s like watching one episode of your favorite soap opera every month and trying to keep up.
Not so for my friends. They all get to see their kids 24-7.
My parents and I visited my brother Ray’s apartment with Sam yesterday, before they all headed to New Jersey. I was exploring the apartment with the kiddo when we opened the door to Elliott’s room. Talk about a treasure trove: the room was enormous and filled with toys and playthings for Elliott. How different from Sam’s bedroom at my house, so small that his crib barely fit in, and used half the time for storage. Where could I find the money to fill a room with that much stuff on one person’s salary after paying for student loans, child support, and the rest? And why would I buy all those toys, just to let them sit and collect dust for all but 7 measely days out of every 61? And yet the toys I already have downstairs are inadequate, and he’s outgrown most of them already, which pokes me in the eye when he visits. I can’t win for losing here. No matter what I do, it’s never enough, and always falls short of what everyone else seems to be doing. The guilt is tremendous.
This weekend, I drove from the OATS bluegrass festival, an hour southwest of Wilkes-Barre, to Syracuse to pick up Sam. This past week saw torrential and disastrous rainstorms in our state. the route to and from the festival had to be radically altered because roads were washed out. As a result my drive to Syracuse took about a half hour longer than expected. When I arrived at the dropoff point, Melissa’s mom was outside puffing on one of her ubiquitous cigarettes with a scowl on her face.
“Sorry I’m late,” I apologized. “There were two detours detours because of the floods. Were you waiting long?”
“We were here on time,” she sniffed without looking at me, puff puff puff, as if being a half-hour late was going to put a crimp in their busy busy day driving four hours back to Montreal, where she’ll get drunk and pass out on the sofa and pops will watch TV and pretend like nothing’s going on.
I went into the McDonalds to grab Sam and Melissa said “Where were you? You never called.”
“It’s a borrowed cell,” I replied, and I don’t have your folks number. I know you called once, but it came up as ‘restricted’ and the phone didn’t ring, so I couldn’t call you back.”
“You know we were only going to wait 10 more minutes, don’t you? You can’t keep us waiting like that.”
Pops, who made a stink a few months back that I was “hostile” and needed to “be more respectful” refused to shake my hand. It’s nice to see that “be more respectful” is a one way street.
Half a fucking hour. 30 fucking minutes. This is WELL within anyone’s margin of error, and these cocksuckers, these baby-stealing, lying, backbiting motherfuckers, were planning on leaving me high and dry, which is typical. I’m not taking this shit anymore.
What’s funny about all of this is that the de facto in-laws expected me to disappear after Melissa stayed in Canada from the very minute she broke up with me. It’s clear to me that what they were hoping for was a steady child support check and an absent father they could forget about. Is it any wonder I’m so hateful and angry all the time?
3 Responses to “new baby”
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July 6th, 2006 at 4:07 am
Brendan, I don\’t even know what to say. Fuck her and especially, fuck her parents. Her mom sounds like a total waste of flesh. You should ask if she smokes around Sam and if so, raise a stink about it.
Fuck her father. And fuck Melissa for \’making them wait.\’
What about you? 2 years you waited. 2 years you waited only to be kicked to the side, have your heart ripped out, and subsequently stomped on.
That\’s just fucked up. I hope Melissa reads this site cuz I have a big \’fuck you\’ for her. What you\’ve done to my brother is absolutely unforgivable. You\’ve trashed his heart and his soul, and what you\’ve done is also selfish, especially when it comes to Sam.
Brendan, the only thing I can think of when I read this and think about the complete lack of respect you get for being an involved (as much as possible), caring, and devoted father, something that these days is a rare sight, is how I was treated for a while after Floyd.
All I can say is keep doing what you\’re doing. It will make the difference in Sam\’s life. If it wasn\’t for others who prodded me to continue seeing Floyd (which included you, mom and dad, kate, friends, etc), I can\’t say without a doubt, that we wouldn\’t have the same relationship we do today.
I\’m here for you whenever you need. But you know that already.
July 6th, 2006 at 5:09 pm
You know (and Phillybits if you’re reading this don’t take this personally, but, well, you know my parents) - when I got pregnant with Elliott, my entire family sat me down and told me that they would support me through anything and they wanted me to have this child more than anything, even though the timing was not exactly ideal. It was a rough time, we (phillybits and I ) were struggling to decide what to do and whether or not we COULD even do it. So i expressed this to my family. Big mistake. They got extremely defensive and started to pull this crap that it is completely my decision and that if the father was not willing to be a part of it they would support me and I should take him to court and just get the money out of him. It was not a personal attack on my boyfriend on their part per se (more of an attempt to protect me), but I was extremely hurt and embarrassed that they were even suggesting this. Having a baby is a partnership between the parents, not the nosy grandparents. They don’t have the right to treat the father with no respect or like a moneybag. The child needs both parents, and if both parents are willing to do it and love their child, then that is all that matters. I don’t know whether or not my parents wanted my boyfriend to go away - personally I didn’t care. I can’t let myself be influenced by them like that because it is a horribly selfish thing to do to the innocent child. Everyone’s situation is different, and I realize that having parents that help out in terms of money and daycare puts a huge strain on everyone in situations like this, however the child should ALWAYS be put first no matter what.
September 12th, 2007 at 10:07 am
[...] grandparents seem to have gotten the idea into their heads that after Melissa and I split up that I would just melt away, disappearing without a trace except for a monthly check. The fact that they have to drive 4-5 [...]